Ugh, I am bored!!!
I am holding myself back from the cliff on a daily basis of breaking down and just screaming "GIVE ME MORE". But do I really deserve more? The more I think about it, I do and I don't.
I grew up in a household devout to the word of God. Yes, we are a Christian based household. But not overly Christian and definitely not void of faith, religion, love and the word of God. So I have been taught on how to pray, why we go to church, why we serve Jesus Christ. These are things that have been instilled inside of me.
My husband's family is the same way in the most beautiful way possible. One of the things I loved most about him was that he came from a family of women and men who definitely knew what it was to love, serve and honor the Lord. That comforted me in knowing that his family has such morals, values and knew God. It made my husband a better "prospect" when I was thinking "can i marry this man"
But I am human, I am not perfect although some may think that I THINK i am perfect. For 2 years I went to church every Sunday, prayed faithfully, served God in a way I never served him before. This was when I was laid off from my previous job and was so confused as to WHY this was happening, and I needed direction from God. I went to church so much I got my 2 good friends involved so much to join the church as well.
I've fallen off. I haven't "given up" on God but I definitely haven't been giving him my all. Showing up for him not just on Sundays but everyday. I am so sad about this aspect in my life. When things seem to go wrong, I pray. But why am I not praying when everything is going right? Just saying "Praise the Lord" and "Thank you Jesus" is not enough. {for me anyways} There has to be more!!!
So do I deserve more when I am not giving more to Christ??? I have no idea only God can answer that question. I miss him in my life, I miss the feeling I receive when I leave church and have just been blessed by our Bishop in the word of God. I miss learning more about him and letting him invade my life in totality.
I have to change this and I have to do it NOW. We aren't living in the beginning we're definitely towards the end and as my mother's Reverend says every Sunday morning "get your house in order, because he's coming real soon"
Has anyone else lost their way?
Love your blog!!! I want my bread missy, lol.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you. I also was raised in a home where prayer and showing your love to God are important. I think I lost my way in college and found it when I found my love, Adam. We made a commitment to keep God close to us. But, we both lost it together at one time. Now that we are parents we welcomed God in our home and i have to tell you, it is amazing!!!!
We were just asked to host a baptism class for parents at our church :-o This just happened on Monday so reading your blog made me smile. Bring that peace and love in your marriage and life. It will lead to live a more fulfilling life. I feel like we are definitely being more blessed each day. Not to sound corny, but we have a deeper connection as well. Love that boogie to death, lol.
Miss ya!
=) Thanks for posting. I really appreciate your support {as always}! We pray together, but only when we need something and we've both agreed that it has to be more free flowing and natural. We're both wanting to become more involved with the church and just give more of ourselves. I'm looking forward to changing it up.
ReplyDeleteMiss you too!!!
Totally understand. Time and time again we lose touch with God but only he knows your heart. Just by writing this you have opened your heart to more. Take small steps to get back to that place you want to be in. God is waiting for you, so he can do even more in your life. You know we have shared a lot of our similarities during our wedding planning time, and know that I totally feel you. Love you, boo.
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